Wants the Pity Party to Stop!

I want mine to stop specifically. You know you are truly become a self-absorbed, sad maniac when all you can do get your frustration out is write angry blogs and hope that others empathy for you gets to you through an invisible force that unites all and will make it all okay.

I won't lie, I have been having a hard time lately. But in reality my life is great. My marriage is the best it has have ever been, I have been getting back to reading scriptures regularly (my weakest point in the Gospel is I struggle to do things when I feel like I am learning the same things again and again), praying with sincerity, what I learn in school is amazing, I have been helping others (although not as much as I used to) and trying to do what is right. I know I am having huge issues lately with school and some other personal things out of my control that I would never mention online, but I have been through so so so much worse. Yet, it is bugging me more this time.

Why can't I get past myself? I hate being one of those people who feel the need to have support from others and complain. I know some people dream of having the life I have, so how can I be so selfish and down?

I am getting to that point where I don't want to do anything, but I make myself do something to distract my own prying thoughts. I miss people being around constantly. I hate being alone, but when I get with people all I want to be is alone. Derrick is the only one I desire to have around me all the time and still feel comfortable. Part of that is I know I am brain is trying to make it easier for my friends and myself if and when we leave for AZ, so I am detaching myself mentally and physically from friends, but I know in my heart that isn't all of it.

Some would say it is depression, but I don't think it is that or at least I am ignorant because I have never had depression before. Still, I know I most likely have picked up SAD disorder from my mothers side, but I am sure I don't have classic depression. Something inside of me needs a swift kick in the butt and Temple trip since I haven't been since summer of last year because of our 6 days a week schedule.

I wish screaming at myself would make the rational parts of my brain get my emotional part in line. Geezzz....